Dear Roderick
Where are you? Most perplexed at your continued absence. Have had a busy day. Gussie was late taking me to the park and giving me breakfast and then I spent most of morning basking in the sun in the back garden. Then she just left me! Vanished! But came back with many plastic bags which I can assure you I have inspected most thoroughly. Mostly boring veg tho I can report some yogurt and hurrah! pork ribs and a strange yellow thing which smells like turkey but has legs and wings. Gussie then took me into the front yard and for no good reason I could see donned rubber gloves to empty the fabulously smelly bin into another sack, and then all three of us (me, Gus, Bin) went for a ride in the car. I felt like a prince, I can tell you, windows down, glorious rancid bin smells, the envy of every dog we passed. Gussie took us to a special stinky home for Retired Bins, where a nice man with no teeth put Bin into a special bedroom, and then she took me to run about on the big windy hill. There were rabbits everywhere! Fab! And a boxer to chase and Gussie had a ball and biscuits and then we came home and I had my tea and Gussie put the yellow thing in the oven and EVENTUALLY ate some of it (*and* she was drinking again) but she left the leftovers on the sink and then we played for a bit and when she seemed a bit squiffy I nipped into the kitchen but she noticed I had gone quiet and MY FAULT I made the tactical error of not coming when called and she came through and BUGGER
caught me with the carcass on the kitchen floor before I'd even got any more than a good lick. Ooh she was cross and made me lie down for what seemed like a thousand elephants while she rinsed it under the tap and then put it in a pan to boil (what's that about?) and cleaned up the whole kitchen but then she let me eat her leftovers and very nice they were too. Then we extensively tested the squeaky fish. I am now very tired. Will you be back tomorrow?
Love from
Your faithful hound
Jake
Where are you? Most perplexed at your continued absence. Have had a busy day. Gussie was late taking me to the park and giving me breakfast and then I spent most of morning basking in the sun in the back garden. Then she just left me! Vanished! But came back with many plastic bags which I can assure you I have inspected most thoroughly. Mostly boring veg tho I can report some yogurt and hurrah! pork ribs and a strange yellow thing which smells like turkey but has legs and wings. Gussie then took me into the front yard and for no good reason I could see donned rubber gloves to empty the fabulously smelly bin into another sack, and then all three of us (me, Gus, Bin) went for a ride in the car. I felt like a prince, I can tell you, windows down, glorious rancid bin smells, the envy of every dog we passed. Gussie took us to a special stinky home for Retired Bins, where a nice man with no teeth put Bin into a special bedroom, and then she took me to run about on the big windy hill. There were rabbits everywhere! Fab! And a boxer to chase and Gussie had a ball and biscuits and then we came home and I had my tea and Gussie put the yellow thing in the oven and EVENTUALLY ate some of it (*and* she was drinking again) but she left the leftovers on the sink and then we played for a bit and when she seemed a bit squiffy I nipped into the kitchen but she noticed I had gone quiet and MY FAULT I made the tactical error of not coming when called and she came through and BUGGER
caught me with the carcass on the kitchen floor before I'd even got any more than a good lick. Ooh she was cross and made me lie down for what seemed like a thousand elephants while she rinsed it under the tap and then put it in a pan to boil (what's that about?) and cleaned up the whole kitchen but then she let me eat her leftovers and very nice they were too. Then we extensively tested the squeaky fish. I am now very tired. Will you be back tomorrow?
Love from
Your faithful hound
Jake
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